There is hope

“So I, uh, want you to remember some inspiring things that someone else may have told you in the course of your lives, and go out there and win!” ―Mr. Burns

While searching for someone to coerce into bed (or the backseat of a 97 Cavalier), remember above all else – you must have hope. Because without hope, you quite literally have nothing, you sad, lonely bastard.

You may look at women with the same confusion as an emphysemic man given a tuba and told to blow – but for you to have any chance at all, you have to believe that you’re not totally a worthless sack of crap. It might not be true, but you still have to believe it.

Why? Because women can smell desperation and defeat, and it is the least attractive quality on earth. Nix it. Get rid of it. You are not hopeless, no matter what the situation.

It stands to reason that you probably have at least some redeeming qualities. And remember, people get desperate and make mistakes. Don’t get me wrong – no woman is as desperate as you. Lets be realistic – any woman can walk into a bar and ask the first five guys she sees point blank to fuck her, and chances are she gets a yes before number five. You do not have that luxury. You’re on the internet trying to figure out how to get laid, for Christ’s sake.

But women make mistakes – and that mistake could be you. No matter how homely, you could be that final branch she grabs onto before slamming into rock bottom.

And there’s only up from rock bottom.